Why Do People Divorce?
You know things are not going well for you and your spouse. Your partner seemed stern, aloof, and resentful that last time you spoke to each other. Like always, you expect them to come around, let go of the steam and become their normal self with time. Instead, one day, you come home to find their clothes missing from their cupboards and a piece of paper on the dinner table- a divorce notice.
What causes divorce in marriage?
The Austin Institute for The Study of Family and Culture, using data from 4,000 divorced adults, identified the top reasons for divorce to clarify why people break up in the United States. These reasons include infidelity by either party; one spouse being unresponsive to the other’s needs; incompatibility; spouse immaturity; emotional abuse, and financial problems.
Why do couples divorce?
There are some traits in a partner or circumstances- the divorce causes which might force partners to seek a divorce. You can no longer cope with your partner, and divorce is perhaps the best option. When couples feel like they have given their relationship all they have, they can ultimately come to the conclusion that it’s time to end their marriage.
10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce
1. Infidelity or an Extramarital Affair
When one person goes outside of the relationship to get their needs met, whether it is physical or sexual, this can doom a relationship. It is very difficult to get trust back once a partner feels betrayed.
Extra-marital affairs are the number one reason for divorce and responsible for the 20-40% breakdown of most marriages that end in divorce. This is one of the most common causes of divorce. The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as our anger may lead us to believe.
Anger and resentment are common underlying reasons for cheating, along with differences in sexual appetite and lack of emotional intimacy.
Infidelity often begins as a seemingly innocent friendship, says cheating expert Ruth Houston. “It starts as an emotional affair which later becomes a physical affair.”
Infidelity is one of the primary reasons for divorce. It is also one of the legal divorce reasons, besides living apart for more than a year and subjecting your partner to cruelty (mental or physical).
2. Trouble With Finances
Money makes people funny, or so the saying goes, and it’s true. If a couple is not on the same page about how the finances are going to be handled, it can lead to terrible problems.
Why is divorce so common due to financial incompatibility? According to divorce statistics, a “final straw” reason for divorce is a lack of compatibility in the financial arena, which causes almost 41% of divorces.
Everything from different spending habits and financial goals to one spouse making considerably more money than the other, causing a power struggle can strain a marriage to the breaking point. Also, differences in how much money each partner brings into the marriage can also lead to power plays between a couple.
“Money really touches everything. It impacts people’s lives,” said Emmet Burns, brand marketing director for SunTrust. Clearly, money and stress do seem to go hand in hand for many couples. Financial troubles can be categorized as one of the biggest causes of divorce, following infidelity, the number one reason for divorce.
3. Lack of communication
Communication is crucial in marriage, and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage.
On the other hand, good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. When two people are sharing a life together, they must be able to talk about what they need and be able to understand and try to meet the needs of their partner. Yelling at your spouse, not talking enough throughout the day, and making nasty comments to express yourself are all unhealthy methods of communication that need to be ditched in a marriage.
Besides, when couples stop talking to each other, they can feel isolated and lonely and stop caring about one another altogether. This can lead to the breakdown of the relationship. Poor communication is one of the biggest reasons for 65% of divorces.
Practicing mindful communication to change age-old marriage mistakes can be hard, but it’s well worth the effort to improve and save your relationship.
4. Constant Arguing
Couples who seem to keep having the same argument over again often do so because they feel they’re not being heard or appreciated.
Many find it hard to see the other person’s point of view, which leads to a lot of arguments without ever coming to a resolution. This can ultimately be a cause of divorce for 57.7% of couples.
5. Weight Gain
It may seem awfully superficial or unfair, but weight gain is one of the main reasons for divorce.
It may seem odd, but weight gain is also one of the leading causes of divorce. In some cases, a significant amount of weight gain causes the other spouse to become less physically attracted to the other, while for others, weight gain takes a toll on their self-esteem, which trickles into issues with intimacy and can even become a cause of divorce.
6. Unrealistic Expectations
It’s easy to go into a marriage with lofty expectations, expecting your spouse and the marriage to live up to your image of what they should be.
These expectations can put a lot of strain on the other person, leaving you feeling let down and setting your spouse up for failure. Faulty expectation setting can become one of the reasons for divorce.
7. Lack of Intimacy
Not feeling connected to your partner can quickly ruin a marriage because it leaves couples feeling as though they’re living with a stranger or more like roommates than spouses.
This can be from a lack of physical or emotional intimacy and isn’t always about sex. If you are constantly giving your spouse the cold shoulder, know that it can become the ground for divorce over time.
Often, couples struggle with different sex drives and different sexual appetites. This is the beginning of the troubles and can really plague a couple as they try to get their needs met. In addition, at different stages of life, our sexual needs can change, which can lead to feelings of confusion and rejection.
Ignoring your partner’s sexual needs is being called the number one cause of divorce in recent times.
Making your relationship intimate and special is the responsibility of both partners. Practice little acts of kindness, appreciation, and enjoy physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your relationship.
8. Lack of Equality
Lack of equality comes closely behind the number one cause of divorce, lack of intimacy, in recent times.
When one partner feels that they take on more responsibility in the marriage, it can alter their view of the other person and lead to resentment.
Resentment often snowballs to become one of the reasons for divorce. It is a leading cause of divorce.
Every couple must negotiate through their own unique set of challenges and find their own way of living together as two equals who enjoy a respectful, harmonious, and joyful relationship.
9. Not Being Prepared for Marriage
A surprising proportion of 75% of couples of all ages have blamed not being prepared for married life for the demise of their relationship. Divorce rates are highest among couples in their 20s. Lack of preparation is one of the most common reasons for divorce.
Almost half the divorces occur in the first 10 years of marriage, especially between the fourth and eighth anniversary.
10. Physical and Emotional Abuse
Physical or emotional abuse is a sad reality for some couples and contributes to 23.5% of divorces.
It doesn’t always stem from the abuser being a “bad” person; deep emotional issues are usually to blame. Regardless of the reason, no one should tolerate abuse, and you must remove yourself from the relationship safely.
How to Avoid a Divorce
Unless there are irreparable issues of abuse (in which case it is okay to let a relationship go), it is possible to avoid legal dissolution and let a marriage survive by various means possible, such as consulting a therapist or taking an online save my marriage course. Saving your marriage takes a lot of effort and it can even happen if you are separated but still want to get back after some time.
It’s pretty safe to say that no one who plans to get married ever plans to get a divorce or even wonders how to stop a divorce from happening. Yet sadly, statistics indicate that it indeed happens to many couples.
According to published reports, over 40 percent of first marriages, approximately 60 percent of second marriages and an overwhelming 73 percent of third marriages will end with husbands and wives standing before a judge requesting that their marriage be dissolved.
Yet aside from the fact that divorce is a truly difficult experience for the couple, it’s also challenging for their children, family members and friends and some say, even the community at large.
That’s because there are many people who believe that family is the cornerstone upon which so many things are built. And so, when even one family breaks apart, there’s a domino effect that can be truly devastating.
But what do you do if you’re in a troubled marriage? What steps can you take to stop a divorce or how to stop divorce and save your marriage?
So if you find yourself in a situation where you are trying to find out how to avoid getting a divorce? or how can you stop a divorce? Here are five tips that can help you and your spouse to find some light of hope and to take steps towards avoiding divorce and healing your relationship.
1. Take “Divorce” out of your vocabulary
Just like you had to choose to get married, divorce is always a choice. The awesome thing about this point is it means that you and your spouse have the power to prevent the end of your marriage and stopping divorce.
The great thing is it all starts with the decision to not even bring up the word “divorce” in your conversations. Be hurt. Be upset. Be frustrated. But also be the kind of couple who is determined to save marriage from divorce and not let divorce ever be an option within your home.
The efforts that you put in a relationship are the refection of choices you make, and if you do not want to be separated from you spouse than stopping a divorce should always be you first and the only choice.
So remember, no matter how difficult the going gets the best way to stop divorce is to not even contemplate it.
2. Remember why you got married in the first place
A wise man once said that in the moments when you feel like quitting something, remember why you started. On your wedding day, you and your partner took vows to be there for one another through it all.
This means that no matter what, you are committed to having one another’s back. Sure it might be challenging now, but there’s a pretty good chance that you can be more effective working through things together than apart.
A marriage only works when a couple is in tandem, and their resilience and commitment is tested when the going gets tough. You got married, in part, to be one another’s support system. The hard times would be the time to come together; not pull away from one another.
Look for that silver lining, and yes, every cloud indeed has one. Search for that hope, that light in the darkness and build on it. Would it be difficult, you bet it would. But that is where your love would face its toughest test.
Your marriage, your ideals, your love for each other, all of it would be tested, so remind yourself of the things that you have always loved about your partner and hold on to them and in time it would prove to be one of the best ways to stop divorce.
3. Don’t Forget that Season’s Change
“For better or for worse.” This is a phrase that you probably said as you recited your wedding vows. And although it might seem like a non-stop influx of “for worse,” you’ve got to remember that seasons come and seasons go.
Change is the only constant, so today if everything seems broken then tomorrow you will get an opportunity to amend it.
Don’t focus so much on the past that you lose hope that there will be happiness in the future. Be patient, neither can you fight time, nor can you go against it, some things have to run their course. It is like the changing seasons; there is always the next one right around the corner.
4. Seek Counselling
There’s no doubt about it. One of the most effective ways to stop a divorce is to see a counselor. They are professionally skilled and qualified to provide you with tips and tools for how to work through the issues that you’re currently having and also how to prevent things from escalating to the point of considering divorce in the future.
Marriage counseling would definitely give you an outlet to address all the issues that seem to be pushing your marriage towards divorce, and when given enough time and commitment counseling can help you understand how do you stop a divorce or how to not get divorced.
One essential thing to remember when seeking marriage counseling is to find the best marriage counselor; cause marriage counseling is only as good as the counselor. Ask your friends or family, or search reliable directories to find the right counselor to help you to stop a divorce.
5. Get the support of others
Something that all married couples need is other married couples; more specifically, other healthy married couples. Although no marriage is perfect (and that’s because no two people are perfect), the good news is that there are marriages that are flourishing.
That’s because the husband and wife are committed to loving one another, respecting one another and staying together until death parts them. Having that kind of influence in your life can be just what you need in order to get you and your spouse through some of the hard times.
Everyone needs support, including married couples. And some of the best support are other healthy and happy married friends.
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